Sotiria
by Scarlet Ibis
Summary: Angel goes to break the news to the gang after he learns of Cordelia's death. Takes place directly after "You're Welcome."


_"The only time the dead, dogged look leaves Angel's eyes anymore is when he's arguing with Spike." _

_Lirazel_

_"Kaleidoscope"_

* * *

Angel stood there a moment, hearing the dial tone, but not really reacting to it as quiet tears slid down his cheeks, lost in his thoughts.

She was gone.

He hung up the phone slowly, wiping his face as he turned around, and headed out of the double doors of his office.

* * *

Spike, though he'd never admit it aloud, felt Angel as soon as he came through the doors of the Cat & Fiddle. Spike looked up involuntarily, seeing Angel and his morose expression.

_Typical_ he thought with a roll of his eyes.

"What took you? We're already on the second round," he said to Angel with a raised glass.

Angel saw it as half empty.

"Yeah Angel—group celebration, remember?" Fred asked with a smile.

"Where's Cordykins?" Lorne questioned, a faint smile on his lips as he leaned back in his chair slightly to see around Angel. Angel just continued to stand there, not really looking at any of them.

"Angel?" Wes asked, concern evident in his voice.

Spike smirked. "Oh, let me guess. You and the cheerleader had a little tiff, eh?" he joked. "She tried to show you her pom poms, but you blew your wad a bit too soon for her tastes, right?" Spike asked, taking a sip of his beer. At that, Angel's gaze leveled on Spikes—steady and hard.

Gunn, laughing a little, interjected, "Come on Angel—no need to be upset. You should know how blondie is better than any of us. Where's Cordy though?"

"Wait, pom poms?" Harmony asked, clearly confused. "_Hello. _ She just got out of a hospital." Spike rolled his eyes at that. "She couldn't possibly have had pom--"

"She's dead," Angel responded in a monotonous tone, effectively cutting her off. Spike's expression instantly turned from mirth to confusion.

"How's that?"

"Angel?" Fred asked while standing up, worry in her eyes as her delicate hand rested on his arm. "What are you talking about?"

Angel's gaze scanned them all at the two tables pushed together—Spike, Gunn, Harm, Wes, Lorne and Fred at his side.

"She never really woke up," Angel answered somberly, voice breaking. "She just came to say…She brought us all together again. Told me she loved me, but now there's…" Angel looked down, unable to continue.

"Bloody hell," Spike said, looking down into his glass.

"But that doesn't…that doesn't make any sense," Gunn said, more to himself. "Are you sure?" he asked, looking up at Angel.

"Of course I'm sure!" Angel yelled, slamming his fist on the table, making all of the glasses tremble on the vibrating table. Collectively, they all leaned back, eyeing Angel warily, as did the few other patrons in the bar.

"Now, let's just calm down Big Fella—have a Sea Breeze and talk this thing out, huh?" Lorne offered.

Angel sighed, shaking his head. "No. I'm sorry guys, I just—" Angel turned and headed back out without a word.

Fred sat back down slowly, looking at her companions with teary eyes.

"What do we do? I mean is she…"

"Really gone?" Wes supplied, pinching the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes.

"Poor Cordy," Harmony sniffed. She looked up at the door where her boss had just left out. "Poor Angel."

"Bugger," Spike muttered under his breath as he stood up.

"Where are you going, Spike?" Fred asked.

"Gotta go check on Sir Broods A Lot, don't I?" Spike said as he tossed a few bills on the table, and then making his exit.

"Spike? Going to make Angel feel better? Why do I not have a good feeling about this?" Gunn asked the others.

"I know. All they do is argue like a boring old married couple with too much time on their hands," Harmony added.

"Actually Harmony, you may have a point as to why Spike may be the perfect person to talk to Angel right now," Wes stated.

"Huh?" Harmony asked.

"Yeah, I think I may have missed the point of that too," Fred said.

"Basically kids," Lorne started, "If anyone can take our Angel's mind off of the blues, even if its in the most obnoxious of ways, it's Moonbeam."

* * *

Spike found him in his penthouse, standing at the window with a drink in his hand.

"Uh, Angel? You okay?" he asked, coming closer.

"She was the one, Spike. She was..."

"Hang on—not Buffy. And not Darla…_Cordelia_?"

"Yeah. Cordy meant everything to me," Angel said, downing the glass in one swallow.

"Really?"

Angel gave him a sour look at that.

"Sorry. Just trying to wrap my lobes around it, I suppose."

Angel sighed. "Yeah. How I am today—"

"Well, that's nothing to write home about," Spike interrupted. Spike sighed, shaking his head at Angel's withering look.

"Just joking, mate. So, she was the one, huh?"

"_Yes._ And we didn't get...we didn't get our chance."

"At least she loved you. That's more than most of us get."

"But it wasn't _enough_. Not even close. And knowing that...if she hadn't been abducted that we could have had our chance...and then losing her again…"

"You're forgetting the most important thing though—she came _back._ To help you, and let you know how she really felt on top of that."

"But all that time we could have had together..." Angel shook his head, leaving the window to head to his liquor cabinet.

"Trust me," Spike started quietly, "sometimes, if that time isn't well spent, it doesn't mean anything. Doesn't mean much in the end."

"I'd take that quality time any day."

Spike strode over, grabbing a glass for himself, snatching the bottle out of Angel's hand. "And _I'd_ take knowing that I'd mattered to her, hearing it from her that she loved me, over that."

"Grass is always greener, huh?"

Spike nodded, downing his glass in one swallow. "Yep. And so it goes."

Angel looked at him with a furrowed brow. "So...why'd you come up here?"

Spike shrugged, looking uncomfortable suddenly, and headed to the window, needing some distance. He shoved his hands in his duster pockets, taking in the view. "Well, you were all gloomy pants, weren't you? It's dirty work, but someone had to do it. I mean, come on, Angel, I don't like you—"

"And I don't like you," Angel bit back.

"Yeah, but you like having me around, don't you?"

Angel remained silent at that, looking away.

"No need to be all shy, Angel face. I like having you around too. I enjoy the company, as annoying as it can be with you, I do," he said thoughtfully.

"It's easier having someone around, who understands...who knows where I've been."

"Yeah." Spike frowned after a moment, turning briefly to look at Angel. "Hey, are you getting a sense of déjà vu right about now?"

Angel shrugged. "We nit pick and argue so much, it does kind of bleed together." Spike chuckled at that.

"Sometimes," Angel started, "as close as I am to the others, they'll never get it. How much I've lost, how much it's hurt—"

"Living for an eternity."

"Heading to hell."

"Forced into celibacy—oh wait," Spike smirked.

"Hey, at least I have the curse as a reason. What's your excuse, Willy?"

Spike turned narrowed eyes on Angel.

"Yeah, well...Just give me time. I've been busy. Adjusting to um..."

"Being solid? Seems like the problem would be if you weren't."

"Well excuse me for not being too keen on just jumping into the sack with anyone, all right? Excluding that failed attempt with Harm, of course. Not built like you, Liam. Don't particularly fancy whoring myself around, do I?"

Angel scoffed. "Yeah. You and your sensitivity chip."

"Please—no mentions of chips, okay?"

"Right. The electronic leash." Angel poured himself another drink. "You want?"

"You know."

Angel poured them both another drink, and walked toward Spike at the window.

"Thanks...for being here, Spike."

Spike nodded, taking the drink from Angel's hand.

"Well, I know saying that couldn't have been easy. No problem, Angel. Like I said, I know what it's like better than any of them. Losing the woman you love before anything could really become of it...twice."

"At least Buffy came back when she died."

"Yeah, but...it was harder, at the end of the day, her being back. Cordelia loved you. Again, the woman woke up from her vegetative state to not only save you, but to tell you how much you meant to her."

"Yeah, then left me right after."

"Wasn't her choice. None of it. No need to be pissy with her. Just, remember the good times, yeah? She wanted you to be happy, I'd wager."

"That's all she ever wanted for me. She could always make me smile. Make me laugh…" he trailed off, swallowing.

"Well, go on then—drink and be merry. Celebrate all that's good in your life."

They clinked glasses.

"Before, when I tried to tell her...She ended up dating some schmuck from another dimension. And then tried to dress him like me."

"Seriously? That's just...wrong. Why didn't you fight for her?"

Angel shrugged. "Well, she was happy. And besides, I was distracted with Connor."

"Connor?" Spike asked with a cocked eyebrow.

Angel paused, considering sharing with Spike about Connor. It had been nice to talk about him again when Cordy had been back for those few days...but then that was a whole other can of worms Angel wasn't ready to open. Maybe another time. Spike was always the avid listener, even if he was annoying while he did it.

"Nothing. Just a case I'd been working on at the time."

"Threw yourself into your work, did you?"

"Safest thing to do, wasn't it? If not, I would have just been this depressed lump, watching her be happy with that...loser. And Groo—what type of stupid name is that?

"I don't know, _Angel_, why don't you tell me?" Spike asked, his face picture perfect of innocence.

"Spike—" Angel started in a warning tone.

"Yeah, I know," Spike said with a clap on Angel's back. "At least you're not so down anymore, huh?"

Angel's brow furrowed as he realized he wasn't.


End file.
